Category Archives: Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 14

Dear Friends,
We hope you enjoy this quick conversation with The Gentlemen!

The Scene:  The Gentlemen are taking some photos in a city park, circa 2006.

The Gentlemen:  Hey kid!  Wanna be in a picture?
Kid:  Uh.  No, thank you.
The Gentlemen:  Ok, stay right there.

Thanks, kid!

-The Gents

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 10

Dear Friends,
We hope you enjoy this Quick Conversation with The Gentlemen.

The Scene: Andy Bean and The Councilman, on the phone.

Andy Bean:  Your flight leaves tomorrow.  10am.  See you soon, bud bud!
The Councilman: OK.  How’s California?  Do you have an awesome tan and a hard body yet?
Andy Bean: Not really.  I look pretty much the same.
The Councilman: You should get an awesome tan.  And a hard body.
Andy Bean:  OK.  We’ll see.
The Councilman:  Andy Bean.  Awesome tan.  Hard Body.
Andy Bean:  Can we talk about something else now?
The Councilman:  Like my awesome tan and hard body?
Andy Bean:  I think I’m gonna hang up the phone.
The Councilman:  Suit yourself, sailor.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this Quick Conversation with The Gentlemen.

Yours very truly,
Andy Bean
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol 5

Dear Friends,
Please enjoy this Quick Conversation with The Gentlemen.

The scene: The Historic Colgate Inn in downtown Hamilton, NY; a sleepy college town with a small strip of restaurants, shops, and bars; and little else.  The Gentlemen approach the Inn’s reception desk to arrange their rooms.  “You must be The Two Man Gentlemen Band!” the innkeeper cheerfully declares, confirming The Gents’ suspicion that their concert in town that night is likely the evening’s most compelling local musical event.   As The Gentlemen bask in the the desk attendant’s flattery, a trio of teenage girls – clad in painfully inelegant matching sweats – scamper towards us across the lobby.

Teen 1: (to the Innkeeper) Uh, what is there to do in this town?
Innkeeper: (gesturing toward us) These gentlemen are playing a concert tonight.
Teen 2: (excitedly) Really?
The Gentlemen: Yup, right up the street.
Teen 3: Uh, what kind of music do you play?
The Gentlemen: Two-man Vaudevillian-swing & Hot jazz.
Teen 1: Oh.
Teen 2: Uh…
Teen 3: I think we already have plans tonight.

(exeunt Teens)

Yours very truly,
Andy Bean, Not Teen-Friendly
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 4

Dear Friends,
Please enjoy this quick conversation with The Gentlemen.

Volume 4 – Outside The Councilman’s Home – Brooklyn, NY
The Gentlemen are divvying up the profits from a lengthy tour.


Andy Bean: Here you go, pal,  [insert modest number] dollars.
The Councilman: That’s it?
Andy Bean: Yeah, that’s half.
The Councilman: So, how much do you get?
Andy Bean: I get the other half.
The Councilman: This blows.
Andy Bean: Huh?
The Councilman: We gotta form a union or something.
Andy Bean: But we own the band.
The Councilman: Union!
Andy Bean: I don’t think we can form a union.
The Councilman: Scab!

We hope you’ve enjoyed this quick conversation with The Gentlemen.

Yours very truly,
Andy Bean, Scab
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 3

Dear Friends,
Many of our musical journeys involve a spell of driving on the New Jersey turnpike.  Those of you familiar with it know that a turnpike driver has his choice of the “Passenger Cars Only” lanes or the “Cars, Trucks, and Buses” lanes.  We gentlemen refer to the former choice as “driving with the amateurs” and the latter as “driving with the pros.”  Before deciding our route, we discuss our options at some length.

Volume 3 – Turnpike – New Jersey, USA

The Gentlemen approach the turnpike entrance.

The Councilman: (passenger) Pros or amateurs?
Andy Bean: (driver) I think I’ll drive with the pros.
The Councilman: Alright!
(pause)
Andy Bean: Yup.  Drivin’ with the pros.
(pause)
The Councilman: I’m the pros.
Andy Bean: Huh?
The Councilman: I’m the pros at drinking beers and looking at butts.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this Quick Conversation with The Gentlemen.

Yours very truly,
Andy Bean, Secondary Driver
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 2

Dear Friends,
Please enjoy this Quick Conversation with The Gentlemen.

Volume 2 – The Barge Tavern, Gillingham, UK

Andy Bean & The Councilman exit stage following soundcheck.  A customer approaches.

Customer: (To The Councilman) Ehhhh!  I don’t know about this one.
The Councilman: Excuse me.
Customer: (Pointing to Andy Bean) Ehhh!  I don’t know about him.  He’s a slippery one, isn’t he?
The Councilman: I suppose.
Customer: Yeah, he’s a slippery one.
The Councilman: Uh huh.
Customer: (Miming Banjo Playing to Andy Bean) Diddly, diddly, diddly.
Andy Bean: Uhhhh.
Customer: Diddly, diddly, diddly. Diddly, diddly, diddly.

This has been Volume 2 of Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen.

Yours, very truly,
Andy Bean
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen, Vol. 1

Dear Friends,
In our travels, we Gentlemen are privileged to encounter countless peculiar and wonderful characters in taverns, service stations, and street corners across the country.  The sight of two well-dressed men in a gas station or barroom or hotel lobby seems to put many people in the mood to chat.  Chat with us, that is.  And, as the half of our duo who greatly enjoys a quick chat with strangers, this pleases me to no end.

Today, we are delighted to inaugurate our Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen feature.  Here we’ll share with you transcriptions of some of our most memorable brief chats with strangers.

Volume 1 – Service Station, Chipley, FL

Andy Bean enters convenience store wearing floppy cap, suspenders, etc.

Customer: Hey, man!
Andy Bean: Good morning.
Customer: Sherlock Holmes!
Andy Bean: Yup.
Customer: Solve the mystery, cuz!  Sherlock Holmes!
Andy Bean: (laughing)
Customer: Solve the mystery, cuz!

The Councilman enters convenience store wearing suspenders, bow tie, etc.

Customer: (to Andy Bean) He with you?
Andy Bean: He sure is.
Customer: (to The Councilman) Wabson!
Andy Bean: Dr. Watson?
Customer: Yeah, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Wabson!  Solve the mystery!
The Councilman: OK.
Customer: You know where you is?
Andy Bean: No.
Customer: You in Chipley, Florida.  Solve the mystery, cuz.

This has been Volume 1 of Quick Conversations with The Gentlemen.

Yours, very truly,
Andy Bean
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

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