The 2011 Dry Trousers Award
Andy Bean – Gentleman
A grown man should never have to make the explicit promise to himself not to wet his own trousers on stage. But, such a promise is occasionally forced upon him. This was the case for Andy Bean, who in November of 2010 in Portland, OR became the first member of The Two Man Gentlemen Band to release a not-negligible bit of pee-pee stuff into his britches during a performance.
In Andy Bean’s defense, the release was not without provocation. It came, rather, in response to The Councilman’s debuting of a new bit of stage antics – “The Japanese Finish” – without properly warning his partner. I think we can all agree that when one’s otherwise sedate and reserved man-friend pantomimes a full blown samurai sword battle and ritual suicide while you slap bass notes for emphasis and a crowd of several hundred looks on in silent horror before erupting into rapturous applause, a small display of celebratory urine is not entirely uncalled for.
Further, the incident occurred at the very conclusion of The Gentlemen’s very last song of the evening. And it was not until The Gents were safely backstage that the offending wet spot presented itself. Had Andy Bean had the good sense to wear a sensibly dark pair of trousers or had the audience been satisfied with their scheduled helping of two-man music, the spillage may have gone unnoticed. Alas, Andy Bean was wearing a sky blue suit and the audience demanded an encore.
Toiling as they are on the very periphery of the music industry, The Gents can little to afford to alienate their meager fan base by withholding encores. And so, bravely, Andy Bean returned to the stage. Any hopes he had of keeping the half-dollar sized patch secret, however, were dashed immediately by a few giggling, pointing concertgoers in the front rows and the creepy alacrity of the spot light operator, who lost not a moment in focusing all the illuminating powers at his disposal squarely on Andy Bean’s crotch. The offending wet-spot was seen easily and clearly from every seat in the house. And there was much snickering.
With some success, The Gents deflected this unwelcome attention on their midsections to comedic advantage. But, there was no deflecting the truth. Extenuating circumstances notwithstanding – the Japanese finish, the sky-blue trousers, the roaring audience, the mischievous spot-light man – Andy Bean had wet himself on stage.
Appropriately, when New Year’s Day 2011 came and the discussion turned to New Year’s resolutions, Andy Bean was quick to share with all his just intentions. This year, he declared, I will not wet myself on stage. And here, on this 2nd day of 2012 twelve, we are proud to announce that he kept his promise.
To many more dry years! Happy New Year, Friends!