Greatest Feat of Two-Man Strength
Plymouth, MA to Portland, OR via Minivan in 3 1/2 Days
Said feat included: A rare bit of October snowy driving in Massachusetts; A 300 mile detour up and over Colorado and Wyoming to avoid a blizzard; A forgotten Amazon Kindle, a cover-up by the hotel where it was left (one shouldn’t really have to file a police report to recover a forgotten item, should they?), and Andy Bean’s subsequent realization that he thinks he prefers regular books anyway; Two visits to Applebee’s (sadly, the only booze-pouring places in many areas after 10pm); Three instances of Applebee’s related stomach discomfort; Approximately 90 minutes of two-man conversation and 48 and a half hours of dead silence.
The Ideological Loggerheads Award
Short Shifts vs. The Councilman
Though we’re proud of the above accomplishment (see above), the planning for it gave rise to a profound ideological disagreement between The Gentlemen. When considering how we should approach the cross-country drive, The Councilman advocated for the same two-man driving strategy we’ve always employed; one man drives for 5 to 6 hours then yields to the other guy. Andy Bean, on the other hand, was convinced that the only way to survive 3,200 minivan miles in three and a half days was a dramatic change of tactics. He suggested we employ the time-honored hockey-coaching strategy of short-shifts, switching drivers every 8 to 10 minutes.
The conversation went like this:
Andy Bean: Short shifts, like in hockey.
The Councilman: What are you? A fucking idiot?
Andy Bean: I just think we could learn a lot from hockey coaches.
The Councilman: I’m not fucking switching with you every 8 fucking minutes.
Yours very truly,