Today we discuss the Lesson in Etiquette presented to you earlier this week. As you may recall, the setting was as follows:
At a tavern late one evening, you have offered The Gentlemen a pair of complimentary beverages. The Gentlemen, having already accepted and imbibed several, and well on their way to an ill-feeling tomorrow, decline politely.
We presented you, the reader, with four possible responses after having your offer declined. We invited you to choose that which suited your temperament. The Gentlemen, with their extensive experience in the field, have encountered each of these responses several times over. We discuss them presently, and rate each on the Olympic scale of Gold, Silver, Bronze, or Unworthy of Mention.
To The Gentlemen You Say:
1. Are you some manner of sissy? Or perhaps a lady’s private part? A man does not decline an offered libation. A curse upon you!
A Bronze medal response. A challenge such as this to The Gentlemen’s Party Credentials or Gentlemanliness is unwelcome. It is, however, generally quite effective and will typically result in The Gentlemen accepting and guzzling your offered libation grudgingly, at first, and then quite cheerfully. This manner of argument is a popular one amongst concert goers in the United Kingdom. Accordingly, our visit there this Spring consisted of many jolly evenings and many miserable mornings.
2. Very well then. But know this, good men! My offer stands in perpetuity! I shall arrange with the barkeep to keep two drinks of your choosing on hold for you. Redeem them at your leisure, whether it be tomorrow morning or years from tonight!
A Gold Medal Response! A drink offer that does not expire is a drink offer indeed! It is a wise man who recognizes that though The Gentlemen do not desire any additional cocktails this evening, we will likely desire some tomorrow. Perhaps because we lack it ourselves, The Gentlemen hold foresight such as this in high regard.
3. My word! It takes a learned and distinguished pair of minds to know the liver’s nightly limit. What spectacular self awareness! May I instead present you with a medal of Temperance & Rectitude in celebration of your temperance and rectitude?
Another Gold Medal Response! There are few formal awards in the two-man music industry. We are thus happy to accept any that are offered. A medal or certificate of achievement is often the best nightcap to an evening with the drink.
4. Fine. Dicks. That’s the last time I offer drinks to a crappy two man band. Dicks.
A response Unworthy of Mention. The Gentlemen suggest that one who cannot bear to have one’s offer declined is perhaps unsuited for drink-offering altogether. We are fortunate that such persons appear only rarely in our audience.
I do believe we’ve learned something, friends, haven’t we? As ever, thank you for studying with us.
Yours very truly,
Andy Bean, Barely a Gentleman
The Two Man Gentlemen Band