Contest! Choose the Subject of a new TMGB Song!

Dear Internet,
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “You know, [insert odd historical event, food/drink, or double entendre here] would make a perfect topic for a Two Man Gentlemen Band song”?  You have?  Well, we have something for you!

Today we launch our first ever You Choose the Subject of a Two Man Gentlemen Band Song contest.  Here’s how it works:

  • Suggest a Song Topic by commenting on this blog.  Leave your first name and home city please.
  • In a few weeks we’ll choose finalists, post them here, and allow you, the reader, to vote on the best one.

The Grand Prize!
The winning topic will become the subject of a brand new Two Man Gentlemen Band song!  We’ll write it, perform it live, record it, post the recording here, and include it on our next CD!  You, the brains behind the winning topic, will be thanked profusely and will no doubt become rather well-known amongst two-man music enthusiasts.

Let’s hear those ideas, team!  Tell your friends!

Andy Bean & The Councilman
The Two Man Gentlemen Band

P.S. The following topics are off limits:  President Franklin Pierce & Canadian doubles.  Songs addressing them are already in the works.


84 thoughts on “Contest! Choose the Subject of a new TMGB Song!

  1. Simon (Alexandria, VA) says:

    Partition (India/Pakistan).

  2. Paul (Lansing, MI) says:

    The adverse effects of a bum-wine bender. It may be unbecoming of a gentleman, but sometimes a man just needs his booze to smell like gasoline.

  3. Andrew of Asheville, NC
    Alvin York

  4. David J (Southampton, UK) says:

    John Linnell, John Flansburgh and type errors 😉

  5. Justin Brew (Alliance, OH) says:

    Tom Collins.

  6. I think a rousing tune about good, old-fashioned, bare-knuckled pugilism would be mighty fine times.

    Or bowties.

  7. Mary says:

    Jesus Christ gentlemen, it is about time you wrote a song regarding Grover Cleveland, aka Uncle Jumbo, and his marriage to his fetching 21-year-old ward, Frances Folsom. Let me know if you need help with the lyrics. By the way this is Mary and I live in Portland.

  8. Casey B says:

    Im thinking it should be about a trappese artist who drinks too much and craks his/her noggin after a series of musical hi-jinx, sound effects anyone?

  9. Katie C says:

    A one night stand… but since you two are gentlemen, maybe you don’t have first hand experience…? I think you could do something fabulous with it though.

    or how about cargo shorts? ; )

  10. Meg says:

    Andrew Jackson!

  11. Paul (Lansing, MI) says:

    Using the board game Monopoly as a microcosm for the social/economic events surrounding the great depression.

  12. Paul (Lansing, MI) says:

    As a follow up to the previous “bum-wine” suggestion, I think the “jingle” for Thunderbird could be used effectively:
    “What’s the word? / Thunderbird / How’s it sold? / Good and cold / What’s the jive? / Bird’s alive / What’s the price? / Thirty twice!”

  13. i think you should change it up a bit in order to keep attention. I would like to here a nice heart felt song about something that means something to you, and what you would like to say to people about yourselves. i would suggest to get a little drunk and and just start things, and start listening to musicians and bands that influence you, just for inspiration not to create a photo-copy of they’re material…
    love the music keep up the great work.

  14. Katie C says:

    p.s i’m from east lansing and i have red hair.

  15. Maggie says:

    Hula hoops, or secret societies.

    (Charlottesville, VA)

  16. anthony ballard says:

    the great circus train wreck of 1918.
    (louisville kentucky)

  17. I would love to hear a gentlemanly song about Ambrose Everett Burnside, or perhaps the great sport of croquet, or maybe fancy hats.

  18. Katy says:

    I second the motion for a song about Aaron Burr.

  19. Erin (Austin, TX) says:

    Discovering your lover is a werewolf.

  20. Alicia (Austin, TX) says:

    1. Joining the mile high club with Nicola Tesla in a zeppelin.
    2. An ode to facial hair (specifically, moustaches). The Moustaches of the Nineteenth Century blog can offer visual inspiration if necessary.

  21. Julie D and Jeannie R (Berks County, PA) says:

    I Googled her rotten so she came on my Facebook….an Internet romance (perhaps she is a laptop dancer?)

  22. Mark says:

    The Great Circus Fire, Hartford, CT, 1944

  23. Mark says:

    I am also from Berks County, PA

  24. Julie (Berks County, PA) says:

    Making Two Man Music….a song about the Gentlemen

  25. Josh (Lomita, CA) says:

    A song about the Ford assembly line would be grand

  26. will says:

    Gregor Mendel

  27. oliver says:

    Dancing with Girls is Pretty Dresses.

  28. Lenny Kramitz says:

    Topic? Blue Balls and beer.

  29. zach H says:

    a song about plate tectonics

    specifically (possibly) ocean continent convergeance

  30. Ruth says:

    the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan “clubbing” incident.

    the rarity of a Honus Wagner baseball card.

    the anticipation of waiting for a water pot to start boiling, the climax being when you add the pasta.

    (Ruth in Harrisburg, PA)

  31. Kelly says:

    whooping cough….it’s making a comeback.

    or suspenders… they’re just snazzy.

  32. Janessa says:

    Hello from a Hurricane friend… what a stellar idea for this contest! I am anxious to hear your tribute to Franklin Pierce is in the works, and please don’t forget the Canadian tuxedo in your newest compliation album. Have you ever considered a song about chip ” double dipping” or perhaps a gentlemanly twist on public flatulence?

  33. Janessa says:

    or perhaps thumb wreslting champions

  34. Caity (Orlando) says:

    pogo sticks
    tweed suits

    Or – dare I say it – ALL of them!

  35. John and Ryan (Alliance, OH) says:

    “Third World Party House.”

    It would be the culmination of our lives. There should be ample opportunity for double entendre.

  36. Kelley (Vermont) says:

    I’d like to hear a song about what a gentleman does when he receives a “friend request” on Facebook, but he doesn’t want to be friends with that person. Or, the guilt associated with clicking the “ignore request” button.

  37. Marshall Aldredge (Knoxville, TN) says:

    Subway musical performances in New York.

  38. simon/london says:

    something about crossing the Atlantic to play some UK shows, drinking strong flat Ale, staying in bawdy guesthouses, using money and stamps with a Queens head on, trying to understand English regional accents, getting banged up by the rozzers, chavs, toffs, winos, binge drinkers, and don’t forget the food.

    looking forward to catching a show!

  39. Adam says:

    When you’re at a show and things are getting crazyish and your immediate priority changes from watching the band to avoiding getting a face full of elbow fat by a rather intoxicated and extremely rotund woman.

  40. jesse says:

    the San Francisco Bay Guardian

  41. Sam (Asheville, NC) says:

    Song title: “Your Grandma’s Sweet Pickles”

  42. Jennifer Dziura says:

    Maybe you could take a historical event, like Teddy Roosevelt’s charge up San Juan Hill, or the Cold War, and turn it into an extended analogy for a love affair? Oh wait, I think you’re on that already.


  43. Dave- Maplewood, NJ says:

    I was just informed of a curious medical condition that befell the mother of friend’s ex-girlfriend. (Surely, there is the potential that this falls into the category of urban legend, but the best stories often seem incredulous at first.)

    This woman, allegedly, was born with two vaginas. Not only that, she was able to successfully have children! We speculated that she had one vagina for business, one for pleasure…or maybe she kept one just for the weekends. There is a medical name for this condition, but I prefer to call it “Jackpot.”

    Whatever the case, I believe this to be a delicate subject matter. It requires the Gentlemen’s deft wordplay and impeccable manners to bring this issue to light. The plight of the double vagina-ed will go unheeded no longer!

  44. Dan (Lower East Side,NYC) says:

    The two current plagues of the Lower East Side:
    Bed Bugs and Babies.

  45. J says:

    Two vaginas? Check out this guy’s grapes:

  46. deb says:

    Knoxville. . .all things knoxville, girls, boys, sunsphere. as a brooklyn girl who’s homesick, would be nice to hear.

  47. When you see someone saying hello to you and so you rise your hand but then you notice that in fact he was greeting someone else behind you…

    keep it up gentlemen!!!

    Antonio (Granada – Spain)

  48. Paul says:

    Abe (The Babe) Lincoln

  49. Julie (Berks County, PA) says:

    Lizzie Borden,
    Dr. Livingston,
    Percy Fawcett, or

    a song about a song contest

  50. simon/london says:


    as in ‘I married 2 woman yesterday, that was big o’ me!’

  51. Nathan Garrett says:

    Prince Albert.

    Nathan (plectrum student of Cynthia’s)

    BTW I have scored a late 20’s Harmony Roy Smeck Vita-Guitar in the rare plectrum model.

  52. Nathan Garrett says:

    Gallopin’ Gertie

  53. Dan Herman says:

    I love your songs about Old New York. I would like to hear a composition re Tammany Hall/Boss Tweed, and/or something relevant to Welfare Island (which was the place for the city’s undesirables way back in yesteryear).

  54. page says:

    1. William Sherman’s partiality to arson/tendency towards pyromania.

    2. The picnic at the battle of the first bull run.

    “The wealthy elite of nearby Washington, including congressmen and their families, expecting an easy Union victory, had come to picnic and watch the battle. When the Union army was driven back in a running disorder, the roads back to Washington were blocked by panicked civilians attempting to flee in their carriages.”

    3. Sister Semple McPherson, the first lady evangelist who drowned and then mysteriously turned up later sayin’ she’d been kidnapped by Steve and Mexicali Rose. Good ol’ American history there for you.

  55. page says:

    [sorry, Tallahassee, FL.]

  56. John D says:

    1874- swarm of rocky mountain locusts

    “The miracle of the gulls” is practically a punchline in itself, as long as the part about seagulls is left out.

    Johnston, RI

  57. phil says:

    a song about an odd group of hairy men that follow you guys to most of your concerts in the new england area?

  58. Julie (Berks County, PA) says:

    Another idea for you…Carl Ethan Akeley…considered to be the father of modern taxidermy and/or the irrational fear that taxidermied heads will fall off the wall and kill you. Not that I have ever felt that way.

    This song contest was a brillian idea, fellows. I love it.

  59. Rachel says:

    As a resident of the great First State of Delaware (New Castle County), I propose you write a song about our state hero (until recently, of course), Caesar Rodney. He’s on the state quarter. Here’s the lowdown:
    and here’s a shorter version:

    I’ll even throw you a freebie for the lyrics – you could TOTALLY rhyme “ridin'” with “Biden”. That could be a potential in for you in certain circles.

  60. being from San Antonio Texas a Song about the Battle of the Alamo!
    and how now it’s a big tourist trap
    would make a swell song!

  61. Jessica says:

    I think a song discussing parties or situations where there end up being many Gents and very few ladies present (A Teste Fest or Sausage Party) would be an instant hit! It’s something everyone can relate to experiencing.

  62. David J (Southampton) says:

    I propose a song about the City from which The Mayflower set sail, Southampton.

    I expect it to be debuted at The Platform Tavern show as well.

  63. Skye A (hamilton, Ohio) says:

    Make a song from the point of view of a guy thats in love with a girl.
    and she hates the white stuff in Oreo Cookies, so he scraps out that part for her. He rubes creams on her new tattoo, tells her bed time stories, and carries her when her feet are sore.
    And make up other little things he does for her,
    yet she still loves her pet cat more then him.

    Or a song about two gay guys cleaning the poop deck on a boat.

  64. Some Ideas:

    The Teapot Dome Scandal

    Tammany Hall Hijinks!

    The 1920 Wall Street Bombing

    A math teacher turned banjo player (of course semi-autobiographical)


  65. Becky (Chicago) says:

    How’s ’bout:

    bathtub gin
    Valentine’s Day Massacre
    fancy pants
    The clap, verb or noun?
    a debriefing

  66. Amber Waves says:

    Platypuses! (Platypi?) Because really, who doesn’t love platypuses (platypi)?

    And I live in Cincinnati, where the popularity of two man novelty acts appears to be on the upswing. Not surprising really, coming from the town who claims W. H. Taft as one of its own.

    OOH! I know! You should do a song about our 27th President, William Howard Taft!

    Oh, wait…

  67. Dennis G. says:

    Next song topic:

    Snuff films

  68. hank says:

    possible topics:
    1. sojourner truth – (see noteworthy pix: ).
    2. teddy roosevelt and the panama canal.
    3. alfredo moreno – argentinian/mexican professional footballer with an hilarious rhyming name.
    4. mike “slick” ellis.

    hurricane, wv

  69. Pete T. says:

    1. Salty ham and Pretzel snack
    2. Waldorf Salad, Mayonnaise
    3. No thanks picture box, I am an A.M. man
    4. “Speakeasy” of her caboose!
    5. Air mail me your love

    Whew! Right in under the gun! I was eating lunch, thus the food references. We will see you fine gentlemen in Knoxville on the 15th!

  70. Julie (Berks County, PA) says:

    a song about the trials and tribulations of lugging the Councilman’s bass around

  71. Reuben says:

    1. john beech’s wiener (no, not that one… the one that won first place at the peach ridge hot dog cook-off)

    2. needle

    3. bobby ferrell (could be combined with #2…)

    4. barn party

    5. cooper

  72. Battles says:


    The Girl In The Red Velvet Swing.

    Sex, drugs, murder, and a swing! How can you go wrong?

    Oh and it took place in 1905 — that straw boater time you boys like so much.

    Thank you.

    -Alex Battles

  73. Pilch says:

    1. Jamden at the Camden (singing over the sounds of the Spider and the Big Dipper or the Scrambler)

    2. The Pronto Pup (corndogs from Camden Park-same as above-Hand dipped even! across from the Hand dipped ice-cream lol)

    3. Peach Ridge Renegades (your jog along the ridge)

    4. Who stole my package (John Beech wiener story from above)

    5. The Barnaby Chronicles (happenings at various barn parties)

  74. Shawn (Huntington WV) says:

    1. How can I miss you if you never leave?

    2. I’m leaving it all up in you!

    3. Drinkin wine from a coffee cup!

    4. Let’s do it now, we can talk about it later!

    5. Spent a week in WV one night!

    6. Come on sweetie we’re not that related!

    7. I won’t take up much of your time & promise not to hurt ya!

    Shawn (Huntington)

  75. Marc says:

    1. The Day The Market Died
    2. One, Two, Fiddle my You
    3. The Legacy of Bobby Jones
    4. Tacos: They’ll never catch on
    5. She’ll never get between us, again

  76. Howard says:

    The Boston Molasses disaster of January 15, 1919.

  77. Matthew High(needle) says:

    1. John Beech wiener story
    2. Barn Party
    3. anything hurricane

    hurricane, wv

  78. John Beech (Hurricane) says:

    Fuller meets Father Nelson

  79. William Bienes says:

    1) Edgar Allen Poe – consumption & a 13-year-old bride, how can you go wrong?

    2) Boss Tweed & The Tammany Machine – why not? Two Gentlemen, one a Councilman, in NY, no less…

    3) John Roebling and his “water therapy” with the added spice of his son, Washington and “the bends” — two songs in one.

    4) Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle – comedy, scandal and death — the main ingredients in any successful kazooing tune.

    5) Scott Joplin – Marvin stole his awards!

    Well, Gents… that’s I have for now. See you soon.

  80. Tanner Llewellyn says:

    Tanner Llewellyn – Ashland, VA

    Three topics:
    1) A song about finding poop outside, suspecting that it might be from a human, and wondering who might have left it there and why.
    2) A song about heating jello.
    3) A song entitled “Cleanup on Aisle Six”, and whatever content that title conjures up.

  81. Than Boves says:

    I think you guys really need to write a song about a hobophobic (fear of hobos) hermaphrodite named Twinkles.

    Than Boves
    Knoxville, TN

  82. Joan Bullard says:

    How about a subject about baseball cards & baseball games & bye bye old Yankee & Shea Stadiums & hello new Yankee Stadium & Citi Field in NYC

  83. I’m always on the lookout for incredibly attractive clubbing dress that can be utilised for going clubbing. Immediately after all, there’s nothing worse than discovering a dress you love and then acquiring to think I need to of bought it in advance of!

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