The Councilman warns me, “No person desires to hear about your socks.” He is likely correct. But I would be remiss, friends, if I failed to share with you a recent discovery.
Dear readers, do your stockings often tumble down about your ankles when you stomp along with a two-man band, or when you hustle after a fetching lady-person to compliment her? They do? Mine, too. But, the accessory that remedies this trouble was long thought, by me, to be extinct in any sort of newly manufactured form. To be sure, we could all scour the antique shops and internets for some elastic-band-and-hook set that some now-deceased gentleman once wore around his calves. But who amongst you wants the festering germs of a dead man’s stocking holders grinding against your legs? Not me.
Thus, it is with great joy that we announce the discovery of a bona fide vendor of newly produced sock garters. We invite you to visit the sock-garter gallery at www.sockdreams.com.
(Mind you, these are neither my legs nor my socks.)
I was lucky enough to receive several pairs under my holiday tree (courtesy of the consistently kind and lovely Mrs. Andy Bean) and am pleased to report that I have not had one incident of stocking-collapse since. This pleases me.
Those who attend our upcoming concerts are welcome to check my upper calves at your convenience.
Yours most assuredly gartered,
Andy Bean, Sock Garter Enthusiast
The Two Man Gentlemen Band