I shall now spend several troubling minutes considering my head wear. As you may know, friends, The Councilman and I have gained modest renown in a majority of these United States for two predominant reasons.
(1) We wear finer hats, and look better in them, than any comparable old-fashioned music duo and (2) We consider ourselves expert enough on matters of etiquette so as to instruct laypeople on the topic.
So, friends, you can no doubt imagine the considerable strife and consternation I experience when I consider that our enthusiastic hatting habits may very well violate our otherwise strict adherence to a gentleman’s code of conduct. That is, when one regards photographs of many of the fine performers of that period when a gentleman’s dress was more closely scrutinized (e.g. Louis Armstrong, Eddie Peabody, Sammy Hagar, Ray Parker Jr, etc.) one is unlikely to see said performers appearing on stage hatted. Indeed, the only examples of a music making person appearing hatted in performance that we are able to uncover were this fellow and these fellows. What dreadful company, our fellow hatted singing people! Perhaps, I wonder, it would be better to save our head wear for outdoor activities such as strolling, ball playing unicycling, tomcatting, leaf raking, gin drinking, etc?
When I posed this question to my dearest man friend, The Councilman, he replied “Leave me be, you fool! I am slumbering.” When I protested that he was not slumbering, but rather, eating a sandwich and shouting at me, he closed his eyes and did not move for several minutes. Though unconvinced, I chose not to belabor the point with him. Like the feline, The Councilman can become ill-tempered if he is disturbed during meal times.
And so, friends, my queries go unanswered and I spend continued hours worrying. If our onstage hatted days must end, what hairstyle shall I wear? Where shall I find an appropriate hat rack and hat box to protect my head piece during the show? And what hairstyle shall I wear?
I’d ask your opinion, friends, but you are likely wearing denim trousers, an untucked shirt, and a backward ballcap. Are you not? Indeed! I deem you unqualified to assist. I shall suffer through this alone.
Yours, most dejectedly, etc.
Andy Bean, Banjoist
The Two Man Gentlemen Band
Addendum: Until we receive a final verdict on the above, I am happy to announce the incorporation of the “floppy cap” into our onstage wardrobe. I fear that the stiff fedoras, porkpies, and top hats we favored in the past indicated to the ladies that we two gentlemen are imposingly formal, stiff, and rigid. A floppier cap shows that we know how to “take ‘er easy.” Don’t you agree?